What if?

Sometimes I catch myself playing the "What if?" game.. at a stoplight... waiting in the checkout line... I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes...

What if...

He has a hard time adjusting to home...
Or he comes home with PTSD...

He comes home with no legs...
With no arms OR legs...

What if his face is burned to a crisp...
If half his body is burned to a crisp...

If he can't talk...
or is blind...

After each what if, I test myself to make sure I'd still stick around. The answer is always yes, of course..
But some of the scenarios are pretty horrific. I imagine Captain America going through all kinds of pain and injury. It's when I've killed him that I usually realize what I'm doing and snap out of it. Then I feel guilty for imaginary hurting him.

I don't watch or read the news. He says there is some stuff happening over there that the media is making a huge deal of. Maybe that makes me completely inorant... But I can't do it. When he was still at MOB, I read the news... about one of the recent attacks... I got so worried I almost had to leave work. I was crying.. and going through the whole panicky craziness. Which was not helping him. I can't do that to either of us for the next year... so I refuse to keep up with what's happening.

Today the wife of another soldier texted me to ask if I'd heard her husband was screwing up on the job. Another soldier that works with him was ranting to her and telling her basically what a fuck up her husband is. To me, this other soldier... the one talking to her is a complete dick head. The captain has told me that her husband has no issues. You always think it is the women left behind who start all the problems, who cheat, and lie... but personally I think that this soldier is out to benefit himself and try to get in this wife's favor. That's awful.

Anyways.
Lots of good things today... went apple picking with the kiddo, then swung over to The Captain's 'rents house. I'm going to make an appointment soon for the future Captain in law to go try acupuncture with me. Should be interesting.

Five things:
1. Apple picking with the kid.. The apples were scarce so we had to climb!
2. Got to visit with the mom today before heading back to my office from training.
3. The coffee was good in the training.
4. The future Mother in law gave me a sewing machine! Woohoo!
5. Got a jump on tomorrow's dinner.

Tomorrow is my court date for the little miss... wish me luck!